RECOGNIZING A VIOLENT PARTNER

        

    Threatens you with violence or a weapon

    Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets

    Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

    Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

    Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual

Sometimes domestic violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy.

 During this perilous time, your health and the baby's health are at risk. The danger continues after the baby is born. Even if your child isn't abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they're more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of a relationship. You might worry that seeking help will further endanger you and your child or that it might break up your family, but it's the best way to protect your child — and yourself.

Break the cycle

IF YOU'RE IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION, YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE THIS PATTERN:

 Your abuser threatens violence.

 Your abuser strikes.

 Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.

 The cycle repeats itself.

Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the toll on your self-esteem. You might become depressed and anxious. You might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself or wonder if the abuse is your fault. You might feel helpless or paralyzed. If you're an older woman who has health problems, you might feel dependent upon an abusive partner. If you're in a same sex relationship, you might be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. If you've been sexually assaulted by another woman, you might also fear that you won't be believed. Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action — and the sooner the better.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, loved one, health care provider or other close contact. At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. But you'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.